Month: December 2015

Brick-Ryleigh Spetoskey

Remember when I tied a brick around my ankles
and jumped into the lake?
     It took them three minutes and twenty-
eight seconds of searching through the murky water
     Until they cut the rope and pulled me above
the icy liquid
     And pounded the substance out of my lungs
until my face wasn’t blue and my hands
     Released their fists. My mother screamed
my name as she watched the current pull
     Me under. My father demanded to be in the
care when they took me away with the
     Flashing lights. You told me that you loved me
as I was behind my house, already grabbing
     Some rocks. I told you that I loved you
and that’s why I jumped

 

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Untitled-Madison Pell

And there’s just something about your coffee stained lips,

the way they feel pressed up against mine

sending me expresso infused rushes of energy,

along with the need to be yours.

The temporary healing of a flaw that only rest can fix.

Each crinkle and dent of your lips filled with the slightest bit of caffeine aftertaste that I need to get through another day. The taste and feeling only few can handle. Coffee stronger than my damaged and bruised heart,

I realize I have an addiction.

You’re my aftertaste.

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I Have Never Been in Love-Anonymous

I have never been in love.
I thought I loved someone
but it turns out, I have to love myself before I can love someone else.
I cannot listen to him paint pictures of how beautiful he thinks I am
while contemplating skipping meals
he painted his love in swooping, lovely strokes
pretty words filling in the white spaces
but every stroke
every word
the more the canvas was covered
the more empty I felt.
I couldn't listen or believe him
for fear of falling into the belief of beauty
only to be pushed back out harshly
pretty words filling in the white spaces
I couldn't see myself as beautiful
when I thought I loved him. 
piece by piece
I’m repairing myself.
I’m learning to look in the mirror without turning away
I’m learning it is alright for me to attach beauty to my body.
I still skip meals
I still feel sad
but I am learning I am worth more
more than the words he assigned me
more than how I look.

I think I’m starting to love myself
the words kind and smart mean more than cute
maybe when I finally stop seeing food as failure
and the mirror as a monster
can I start to love someone else
because I
I have never been in love.
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Carson McCready-Refuse to Drown

Dec. 7, 2015:

I don’t like going underwater.

The water closes in on me

in a claustrophobic hug

intended to be liberating

but in it I feel trapped.

I feel held down.

Quite literally, I cannot breathe.

This tight embrace

the sea longs to give me

does not make me hate it.

No.

The sea is a playground

full of imaginative potential,

the only limit being drowning.

I refuse to drown.

I refuse to be pulled under

by hungry sea dwellers

and selfish undertows.

I will not be pulled down.

I will frolic.

As if on my own two feet,

I will prance through water

I will swim, no, glide

through this abstract blueness.

I will keep swimming

until I can no longer see land.

There is a certain point in the sea

you can swim out to

and all you can feel is fear.

Fear of sharks

Fear of where the land has gone

Fear of yourself.

I will swim past this point.

This monster called Fear

will sink like rocks thrown into the sea by children.

I will swim out into this curious abyss

with no fear and all of my strength.

My arms and legs will tire.

My throat will become sore.

But I will keep swimming.

My head will stay above water

because I am motivated by a will to live

and I refuse to drown.

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